


As We Fall Softly

by beepbeepbitchard



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, Underage Drinking, but if you have a specific trigger then i would just check the notes preceding the chapter, i don’t like tagging a lot of stuff bc spoilers, road trip au, theres gonna be a lot of that so big warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-06-23 15:51:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15609726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beepbeepbitchard/pseuds/beepbeepbitchard
Summary: Eddie Kaspbrak is 18, and he’s just graduated from Derry High with his best friends Bill Denbrough, Ben Hanscom, and Mike Hanlon. They decide to take a road trip together, their last hurrah before they leave for separate colleges across the country. Halfway into the trip, they meet three strangers—Bev Marsh, Stan Uris, and Richie Tozier—and Eddie suddenly finds himself cast out of the straightlaced, protective bubble he’s lived in for so long. Forced to adjust to a new perspective, Eddie seeks comfort in the cigarette-smoking, trash-talking 19-year-old whose Hawaiian-patterned outer layer seems to be hiding something darker inside.





	As We Fall Softly

**Author's Note:**

> tags will be updated as it goes on, but i’ll also tag any warnings in the notes at the beginning if they come up
> 
> Warning:  
> after the second break in this chapter, there‘s some sonia-typical child abuse/gaslighting and Eddie has a panic attack as a result
> 
> richie, bev, and stan are not in this yet, but by the third chapter they should be ;)
> 
> finally, if anyone catches the back to the future reference, a billion hearts to you

The boys were on their way back to Bill’s house from graduation when the idea appeared, out of the blue. They hadn’t even changed out of their gowns, lengths of fabric making it awkward to cram into Ben’s wood-paneled station wagon. He was the only one with his own car, which meant that throughout the two years since Ben bought it, the other three made it their own. Greasy wrappers from Chessy’s Diner and stains from various drinks and sauces littered the felt-lined interior. It felt cozy—as much as a car could. However, part of that coziness meant that it was small, much too small for the four of them.

  
Eddie called shotgun, which was probably a little selfish—with his small stature he could easily fit into the back seat with either Bill or Mike. But watching the stuttering mess of limbs that was Bill fight Derry High linebacker Mike like children over who got to stretch out on the 15 minute ride was too fun to pass up.

  
“Muh-Muh-Mike, just move the f—move the fuck over—”

  
“I’m gonna beat your ass, Bill.”

  
They continued to bicker as Eddie rolled his eyes and turned towards Ben in the driver’s seat. When he first met Ben Hanscom in seventh grade, he was a quiet, insecure boy with a self-destructive eating habit. By the time they hit junior year, however, Ben had gotten a lot healthier, both physically and mentally. He joined the wrestling team, easily turning all of his remaining baby fat into muscle. He was fawned over by much of the female student body, who had conveniently forgotten how they bullied him for the first ten years of their schooling. Some of his admirers were nice—and always had been—though Ben still left a trail of broken hearts behind him. He held firm in his belief that he “should wait for the perfect girl” before he jumped headlong into a relationship. Eddie felt bad for those girls, but he had also always seen the action as romantic, that Ben didn't want to rush into a relationship for the hell of it.

  
Ben cleared his throat, snapping Eddie out of his thoughts. “So, what are your plans for the summer, Benny?” he asked quickly.

  
“Well, I don’t know,” Ben started. “I was gonna go in for an interview for this architecture internship, but then I started thinking—it’s our last summer together before college. We should do something exciting! Not that I wouldn’t love to get that internship, but—what if we did, like, a road trip?”

  
The squabbling in the back suddenly stopped, Bill and Mike listening intently along with Eddie.

  
Ben glanced up into the rearview mirror before continuing. “Yeah, I mean, it could be kinda fun, from Maine all the way to California and back, just, like, staying in hotels and living our life free before another four years of being dragged down by school. I mean, you guys know I love studying architectural history or whatever, but _c’mon_ , a guy needs a break every once in a while!” He suddenly realized that he’d been talking uninterrupted for a while, and looked around self-consciously.

  
“Hell yeah, Ben!” Mike clapped his friend on the shoulder from the back seat. Ben broke into a relieved smile. 

  
“That sounds f-fucking awesome!” Bill said, a huge grin on his face. Suddenly, it dropped, leaving Ben and Mike waiting in concern. “W-wait, does this m-mean we have to share the buh-b-back seat across the country?” He and Mike groaned in unison. Ben chuckled. Eddie sat quietly, concern shadowing his face.

  
“Eddie, what do you think?” Ben asked, noticing his friend’s silence. The simple question opened a floodgate in the smaller boy.

  
“Don’t get me wrong, Ben, it would be incredible, but I’m never gonna get my mom to let me leave her for the whole summer, spending my whole day in a car with no way for her to talk to her precious _Eddie-bear._ ” He spat out the pet name like it hurt. “The only reason I’m even allowed to go to college is because I’m paying for the entire thing myself and I’m still not even leaving the fucking state. Can you imagine what she’d say if I told her I was going on a cross-country road trip?”

  
Eddie’s face scrunched up and he continued in a nasally whine. “Oh, _Eddie_ , don’t leave me! You won’t survive, do you know how dirty that circulated air gets? There could be muggers, or you could get heat rash, or hypothermia! And don’t even get me started on those boys, those rowdy teenagers you hang around…” He trailed off, recognizing there were some things Sonia Kaspbrak said that he didn’t need to repeat.

  
They had arrived in the Denbroughs’ driveway three minutes ago, but none of them made a move to get out of the car. Eddie’s friends stared at him in concern, causing him to shake his head. “Christ, guys, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring everyone down like that. I just—I’ve been stressing about this for the past month, she’s gonna be a mythic bitch this summer, wanting me to stay as close to her as possible for as long as possible until I leave in the fall.” He sighed. “I really don’t know how I’m ever gonna be able to get rid of her.”

  
Mike placed a hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “We’ve got you, Eddie. You’re 18, she can’t do anything to you now. You’re coming on this trip with us.” Mike smiled reassuringly, and the other two nodded in agreement.

 

“Thanks, guys,” Eddie said. He worked up a smile. “Now, let’s fucking party!”

  
-

  
“I m-miss Au-Audra.”

  
Bill was on the floor. He knocked back another shot, hiccupping through his sobs.

  
“Oh, fuck off, Denbrough, you saw her five hours ago!” Mike laughed, sitting upside down on the couch. He attempted to drink his beer in his position, promptly spilling it all over himself. Mike flailed, falling off the couch with a resounding thump. 

  
“Aw, come on, Mike, you got beer all over the couch—”

  
“Yeah, but it’s five hours too many—”

  
“ _Fuck_ her.”

  
Bill sat up, looking giddy. “N-now that’s a guh-guh-good idea! I should—I should—”

  
“You should run for mayor?” Mike cut him off, looking pleased with himself. Bill threw a pillow at his head, causing Mike to fall over, cackling.

  
“No, f-fuckwad, I should guh-go to Au-Audra’s house and fuh-fuck her! Duh,” Bill said, shakily pushing himself off the floor.

  
Eddie retorted, “Do you hear yourself? You’re wasted, dude. Listen,” He put a hand on Bill’s shoulder, goofily smiling up at him. “I know you’re, like, sprung on Audra or whatever, but tonight is about the boys!” He spun behind Bill and jumped on his back, causing them to both fall over in a drunken heap on the floor. Eddie added something else that was muffled from underneath Bill.  
  
“What? Can’t hear you under that pile of shit,” Ben called, laughing. 

  
Eddie finally managed to extract himself from underneath Bill’s limbs, but was pulled back onto the taller boy’s lap before he could stand up. Bill tousled his hair playfully. Eddie snuggled up closer, wrapping his arms around Bill’s neck and looking up at him. “You’re pretty,” Eddie said dreamily. Bill coughed, looking away. “I used to have the biggest crush on you, you know,” he continued, oblivious to the open-mouthed stares of his friends. “All strong, and handsome, a total Clydesdale.” He winked at Bill, who was now bright red. Mike scoffed.

  
“This white boy? His gangly ass ain’t no Clydesdale.” Eddie shot Mike a look like he had just broken his heart. Sensing the start of a drunken fight—over _Bill_ , somehow—Ben quickly stepped in.

  
“Uh, Eddie, didn’t you have something else to say?”

  
Bill sighed in relief. “Thank you,” he mouthed. Eddie looked confused and attempted to focus. All of a sudden, he jumped up off of a still-blushing Bill, wobbling slightly. Bill shifted in his jeans, not-so-subtly covering himself with his hands. Ben made a mental note to deal with _that_ later. 

  
“Oh! Yeah! _Fuck_ my mom. She sucks.” He crossed his arms, looking like a petulant child.

  
“That was it?” Mike started to giggle. Eddie fell on his knees and crawled over to Mike, cupping Mike’s face in his hands.

  
“No, no, Mikey, listen,” Eddie began solemnly, their fight already forgotten. “You gotta help me get out, I wanna road trip with you guys, we gotta get out of this stupid-ass town.” Mike nodded slowly.

  
“We got you, Eds. We got you.”

  
-

  
Bill’s parents were easily convinced, which was no surprise; they didn’t pay much attention to his whereabouts anymore. Mike’s parents were a little tougher to convince, since summer was when Mike spent most of his days on the farm helping his dad. Jessica and Will were sweet, though, and Mike was a hard worker—he earned this a long time ago. Ben’s mother had known about this plan of his for almost a month now, and it took her almost as long to let Ben go. Arlene might’ve been the most protective of her son out of any of their parents—except for Sonia. Nobody was more protective of her boy than Sonia Kaspbrak.

  
It took three days after graduation for Eddie to talk to Sonia about the road trip—one to get over his gnarly hangover and two to work up the courage to mention the trip. He was ready to leave, having packed in the dead of night when he was sure his mother wouldn’t wake up. He brought his suitcase down to the landing, wincing with each creak of the stairs. Then, he called Ben on the landline in their kitchen (God forbid Sonia let him have one in his room) quietly telling him to pick up Bill and Mike and wait outside for him—it was time.  
  
Eddie crept into the TV room. There she was, just as always: in her chair, blank stare directed at the infomercials. “Hi, Mommy,” Eddie started, and instantly cringed. _18 years old and still calling your mother “Mommy.” Pathetic._ He quickly shook his head, as if that would erase the thoughts from his head. Anything he could do or say to make this easier for himself, he’d do.

  
“What is it, Eddie-bear?” Sonia turned toward him, the sight of her making Eddie want to run and hide. _She’s going to lock you in your room again, tell you you’re sick, can’t leave. She’ll force pills down your throat again, those fucking_ gazebos _, you can’t do this, run, now!_ “Eddie?” she repeated. “Are you alright?” He was frozen, trying to get his voice to come out. _Pull it together, Kaspbrak, you haven’t even said anything yet!_ Eddie shook his head again and took a deep breath.

  
“Mommy—Mom—can I go on a trip?” His voice was as small as he felt.

  
“What do you mean, Eddie?” Her eagle eyes fixed on Eddie, her voice already shrill.

  
“A road trip, Ma. With my friends? A cross-country road trip.” He averted his gaze, waiting for the bite, her “you’re too weak, Eddie-bear, you can’t go.”

  
“Okay.”

  
“What?” Eddie squeaked. This had to be a dream, there’s no way, it couldn’t be real—

  
“I said okay. You can go. Leave your poor mother all by herself, nobody to take care of her.” Sonia sniffled, tears dripping down her ruddy cheeks. “I’ll be fine, go on, and if I die from a broken heart you can just go ahead and blame yourself—”

  
“Stop!” Eddie yelled, scaring himself. “You don’t get to do this to me! You can’t keep saying whatever you want, guilt tripping me into staying with you! I’m not staying! And you’re going to have to accept that!” He breathed heavily, Sonia’s single tears escalating into full-blown sobbing.

  
“Eddie-bear!” she wailed, meaty hands grabbing for him. “Please, wait, don’t go, don’t leave your Ma!” Eddie turned around, chest heaving, and picked up his suitcase.

  
“I’m sorry, Ma,” he said, and then he walked out the door, and started running until he reached Ben’s car halfway down the road. He threw himself into the backseat with his suitcase, and the second he hit the seat, he was crying. He felt an arm around him, hadn’t even checked to see who was next to him, now too late, tears clouding his vision  _fuck_ _I left I left I’m gone I’m gone and I need my inhaler where is it where’s my inhaler fuck—_

  
“Breathe, Eddie, you need to breathe.” The voice was blurry as his vision. He could vaguely feel the car moving but he was still too far away to register anything.

  
“Inhaler—” he gasped out, reaching through the air like he could summon it. “Where’s my inhaler—”

  
The voice was back, calm and soft. “Eddie, you don’t have an inhaler.” The sentence shot a bullet through his brain, cutting through the fog. _You don’t have an inhaler, remember? It’s bullshit, it’s all bullshit, her bullshit, but you got away_ “—you got away, and you’re okay, she can’t hurt you anymore, alright? Eddie, look at me.”

  
Suddenly, Mike was there to ground him, repeating calming words in his ear, holding him tight. He continued to hold him, fingers carding through his hair, and whispered soothingly until Eddie cried himself to sleep.

 

**Author's Note:**

> if you liked the first chapter, drop a comment down below or hit up my tumblr at beepbeepbitchard!
> 
> also, big thank you to silk-tiedtourniquet on tumblr for betaing this for me!!


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